Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
