it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
