i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
