oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
