Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
