I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
