You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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