I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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