Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
