I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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