This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
