He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize