Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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