absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
