booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Randomize
