What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
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