just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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