I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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