i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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