I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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