I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
