walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
