he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
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