That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
