kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
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