too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
