everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
