I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
