totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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