are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
