3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
you didnt know i had herpes?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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