dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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