I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
