He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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