he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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