she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize