So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
