Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize