I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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