my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
