I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
