Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
there is puke in my bra ... again
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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