tell your sister to shave her snatch
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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