The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
