i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
