How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
