He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
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