Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
