i just wanna soil my oats bro
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
