I'm so fucking centered right now
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
