We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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