So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
