I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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