Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
