just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
