Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
