Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
