Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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