You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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