Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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