went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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